I have been feeling much stronger than my mood disorder for a few years now, but this season seems to be my best ever.
I have been physically ill all year with a variety of ailments and am exhausted and frustrated because I can’t do everything I want. Normally I would want to go manic so I could complete the multitude of tasks for the season – baking, crafting presents, going all out with house decorations and not having many over to even see them!
This year, with less energy, I actually found out I can compromise! What a wonderful concept that is! And without a whole pile of guilt attached to it. It means I have more time and desire to actually enjoy the season.
We drew my sister-in-law’s name for family presents and I decided I was going to crochet her a blanket and even bought the wool on sale. Well, by the middle of November I knew this wasn’t going to happen. So I decided I would crochet her three “trees” and decorate them with scrap-booking ornaments. I actually succeeded on this though I was rushing to get the decorations on the morning of our family Christmas dinner. I was going to do the same for three dear friends of mine but decided three trees was not doable, and one would be a good present. Two of those awesome people will be reading this so I have posted it after they have received them!
I had a long list of other crochet gifts but altered that list as the days of sore hands and low energy passed. I could never have done this in the past. I would have gone manic and stayed up late, pushing myself and still come up short. Or I would have just gotten depressed that I was a failure and not got any of the gifts done.
It isn’t just about the gifts. The last two Christmases I was not well and had to cancel dinner last minute. So this year, hubby and I agreed we would keep it simple. Two lunches with family on the 25th and 26th, and taking in a movie with just the two of us. I am so happy I can do this and not feel guilty or less than perfect for not doing a huge spread.
The reason for the season is another area where my non-bipolar state of mind has improved things. I have more time to devote to celebrating advent and with my mind not muddled with dinner and gift plans, I can really appreciate Christ’s birth. I have compromised as well on Christmas Eve by going to a different church for the candlelight service. I will be with Kay and her kids because hubby is working. I have the same distance to go but an easier drive. I also get to see it through the eyes of the little ones!
Yes, there are times I wish I could just blink my eyes and become manic so I have super powers to get things done. But the truth is, that state of mind just adds more chaos and less peace of mind.