This could be any Christmas Eve in my adult life. But it isn’t.
The house is a mess, I still have a couple of presents to finish making and several to wrap before hubby gets home. I need to prepare for our lunch tomorrow with his parents and since I didn’t venture out to any stores we will be using what we have.
I was supposed to go to a Christmas Eve service with Kay and the kids but my pain levels were/are very high so changing into nice clothes, driving, walking and sitting on hard pews just seemed like too much so I stayed home and tried to focus on what needed to get done.I really miss not getting to the service, but I know I can still celebrate in my heart.
There is one BIG difference between this Christmas Eve and all others. I feel at peace. As I said in previous posts, there are no manic highs to entice me to try to get everything done and no depression to make me just want to give up and go to bed. What gets done is good, what doesn’t isn’t important. At times this concept is difficult for me, but I am doing my best and it gets better and easier all the time. So even though not much has changed, this is all ready an awesome Christmas.
There are two aspects of this holiday time that are shining bright for me. One is Jesus, the reason for the season. I am really feeling His presence in my life and want to celebrate his birth. Even though I am in pain and can’t do all I want to, I feel the Lord’s hand on me and it makes things seem much easier. The second are the kids. Yes, I didn’t get to go with them to the church service (they weren’t able to sit through the whole thing either ;-)). But Kay is doing her best to show them what Christmas is all about. They will all be coming to our house on Friday for OUR family Christmas and we can’t wait.
For those of you of different or no faiths, I wish you the best in anything you celebrate. And to those who are suffering what I have so often as the effects of mental illness during the holidays, I wish you peace and even a glimpse of joy!