Since starting this blog, I have been opening up wounds I thought had healed over, but I guess were just scars. Not only am I writing about my experiences with mental illness, pain, abuse, etc. but I am also reading the experiences of others.
I have started to feel the rumblings of mood swings and my pain has been debilitating me from doing what I want/need to do. I tried to figure out why and I realized that it was very much tied to this blog. And being typical for me, I chose to run away. I told my husband this morning that I was stopping the blog, my book, anything attached to my past, my conditions, moods, etc.
In my faith, I believe that I am experiencing a spiritual warfare. The enemy sees I am doing something positive and is trying to break me down. Well it almost worked. But I remembered my life verse, Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength”.
Another way to look at it is an internal warfare. I am reliving parts of my life that were hurtful the first time. While I am now addressing them for good, I don’t want to relive the illness. However, I have realized that my inner self is stronger than the outward doubt.
Yes, the things I write about or read elsewhere may disturb my moods, but through faith and self-worth I can beat it.
I can’t do it alone, however. I need my friends and family and I do need to keep reading the stories (up and down) of my followers. I am realizing that my circle of support is growing.
Have any of you experienced this same thing as you blog and deal with illness?
Being Lydia! 
Yes, Lydia, because the battle is never over, I fell on New Years Day, I’m just now back to where I was before the fall. The battles are all the same old turf I’ve fought over since 2009. Ironically moving my body painful as it is, eases my depression! keep writing it helps – your words help me too!
LikeLiked by 1 person
As do your words help me! Thank you!
LikeLike
Hi Lydia.:) I haven’t been blogging much longer than you (since October) and even though I have found it to be a rewarding experience I can relate to just wanting to shut it all down because you do end up revisiting old wounds and that can be tough. The one thing that keeps me going is the fact that there always seems to be someone out there that benefits when you share your experience. Even if it’s on a small level, there is something so uplifting about knowing your writing is not in vain. Keep blogging! Best wishes to you! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Cavelle, for those encouraging words. I lost my ability to write when my illnesses took hold of my life and the fact that I have it back is very freeing. You are right. If you can help just one person in some small way, it is all worth it. I look forward to reading more of your blog!
LikeLiked by 1 person