Since starting this blog, I have been opening up wounds I thought had healed over, but I guess were just scars. Not only am I writing about my experiences with mental illness, pain, abuse, etc. but I am also reading the experiences of others.
I have started to feel the rumblings of mood swings and my pain has been debilitating me from doing what I want/need to do. I tried to figure out why and I realized that it was very much tied to this blog. And being typical for me, I chose to run away. I told my husband this morning that I was stopping the blog, my book, anything attached to my past, my conditions, moods, etc.
In my faith, I believe that I am experiencing a spiritual warfare. The enemy sees I am doing something positive and is trying to break me down. Well it almost worked. But I remembered my life verse, Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength”.
Another way to look at it is an internal warfare. I am reliving parts of my life that were hurtful the first time. While I am now addressing them for good, I don’t want to relive the illness. However, I have realized that my inner self is stronger than the outward doubt.
Yes, the things I write about or read elsewhere may disturb my moods, but through faith and self-worth I can beat it.
I can’t do it alone, however. I need my friends and family and I do need to keep reading the stories (up and down) of my followers. I am realizing that my circle of support is growing.
Have any of you experienced this same thing as you blog and deal with illness?