I said No

“No” used to be the hardest word in my vocabulary.

I would say “yes” to anything and everyone and then regret it.  I had trouble with the follow-through and/or admitting I couldn’t do it.  I believe it went along with my lack of self-esteem and wanting to fit in.  But in the end it always just made things worse.  I have a list of unfinished favours so long there isn’t enough paper in the world to write them on.

But as I learn who I am and get stronger in my self-worth, deciding what I can and can’t do is getting easier.

Last night a friend offered me a paying job making a sweater for someone she knows.  It wouldn’t have to be done until Christmas, but I have a lot of unfinished projects of my own, plus everything else that is going on.  Also, it really isn’t something I want to do. She said I could think about it but I didn’t have to.  In a very confident voice I said “No, I don’t need to.  I am going to have to say no.  But thanks very much for thinking of me.”

It felt really good, she understood and the whole subject was done with.  It feels good to be able to be so decisive.