I have gotten complacent over the past few years regarding my bipolar disorder. I have had both ends of the spectrum pretty much in check, with only slight mood changes which were easily controlled. I don’t know if anyone else has been in this state, but I have to admit that I was able to fool myself into believing I was cured, or maybe that I never even had it.
For the last year I have been through a roller coaster of health problems. A year ago last month I had my gallbladder out followed a week later by another trip to the hospital with a hematoma on my liver which needed to be drained. It was very painful and scary. Everything was fairly good until August when I once again had sharp pains on my right side. This time I had my appendix removed. In September I caught a cold on our Alaska cruise and it is now March and I seem to still be suffering from it. I also have had severe flares of my chronic pain which have been at times unmanageable.
All of this physical trauma has taken its toll on my mental health. This last month I have had a cough and cold that just wears me down. Every time I think it is finally going away it hits full force again. So, these last couple of weeks I have found my moods fluctuating a lot more than usual.
I became aware that I was having some difficulties when I was snapping at my hubby for no real reason – something I used to do a lot in the prime of my bipolar (and other mental conditions). I also found my OCD rearing it’s ugly head while I fussed over trivial details. I went shopping and spent more than I should have – a real BPD trait!
For a short time I was really getting worried though I did not share this concern with anyone (except God). However, as I started to feel a little stronger physically, I have been able to regain control over my mental state and I know that as each one gets better it will help the other.
But I have to say in some ways I am glad this happened. Why? Because it brings me down to earth realizing that yes, I do still have mental health issues and yes, I can still get them under control.