“So This is Christmas…”

It has been tough trying to come up with my next post. I have had a few starts but they fizzled out. It’s the usual reasons – pain, my never-ending winter cold, lack of sleep and energy, etc.

I think there is another reason as well. Yesterday marked one week until Christmas Day. It has often caused me a mild depression but this year is a totally different feeling.

We had our dinner with my Hubby’s family last weekend and all the adults decided no gift exchange this year, just gifts for the kids. This is a good thing on many accounts; however, it made the day more like just a big family dinner. Mom made her awesome rouladen, which we all love, but without a turkey it just made it more like a regular get-together.

Hubby and I are not exchanging gifts this year either. I bought some material to make him some PJ pants but he knows about that so it really isn’t a surprise gift (and why I can write about it here). I showed him a couple of small things; however, I told him I don’t want/need anything.

I have gotten some gifts for all the kids in my life; however, for various reasons I won’t be seeing them on Christmas.

I also have not finished decorating the tree and the house, written cards or done any baking.

Now, please don’t get me wrong. Christmas isn’t about presents. That is just something that I love to do – make or pick out something for the people I truly care about. It also isn’t about decorations or food. For me, the reason for the season (and for everything) is the birth of Jesus.

I did not make it to my church’s Ladies’ tea, nor any of the advent services. Hubby works Christmas Eve and unless Kay can come with me, I don’t feel comfortable driving to the Candlelight Service. I could walk to a near-by church; however, even though it is still God’s house, it would be hard walking into a place I have never been before, by myself. I am praying this will all work out.

I have been celebrating advent on my own, though it is again not the same as being there with my church family.

I don’t celebrate with my sister any more because we made an agreement when Dad passed away that we would get together, just not on holidays or birthdays – she doesn’t like them. That is fine, I love her and respect her reasons.

Hubby and I haven’t decided if we are going to have some people for dinner or go to a movie on December 25th.

So, even though I will always have Jesus’ birthday in my heart on December 25th, this year has come so fast with nothing to plan, prepare, or look forward to.

No, I am not depressed. I am finding it hard to grasp that next Friday is Christmas Day.

Wow, I feel better just getting that all out! Merry Christmas or whatever you (do or don’t) celebrate everyone.

Lydia!

12 Replies to ““So This is Christmas…””

  1. Hi Lydia, I feel for you. I know what it’s like to feel conflicted about Christmas. In my case it’s family I find difficult so this year it’s just my hubby and me, although we are helping at a big Christmas lunch for those who have no-one to share it with and who can’t afford it – have always wanted to do that on Christmas day. We don’t really decorate or bake or buy presents either so it sometimes feel like we’ve taken the pressure off having to ‘do’ stuff but it feels just a little less special – I have no idea if this makes sense to you. What I’m trying to say is that I feel for you and I will think of you on Christmas Day and be grateful for the ‘friends’ I have found online in the past few months with whom I feel a sense of connection, and feel less alone. Wishing you peace x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I totally get what you are saying and I feel for you as well. You said it best that you take pressure off but it is a little less special – that is exactly how I was feeling but didn’t get those words out. I will be thinking of you on Christmas Day as well and know that you always have a (virtual) friend in me! I used to belong to a group who made weekly lunches for the homeless and on Christmas we did it up extra special with more soup and sandwiches and packs that included socks, oranges, butter tarts, and other little things to make their lives a little brighter. Good on you for helping with the lunch.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. My Christmases have become much simpler over the years for various reasons. But it is so much more relaxing this way and the few things we still do are more enjoyable. I really think simplifying might be more widespread than it seems. So much of it is unnecessary and people are so overwhelmed all year long as it is. Something has got to give!!! Merry Christmas!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I couldn’t agree more and just finished another post along those lines. I am glad you found this out before getting to where I found myself this year. A Merry Christmas to you as well, Gale.

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      1. Well, I definitely struggled with it for many years to the point where I absolutely hated Christmas. Not like Scrooge, because I tried to persevere in spite of how I felt. This is me climbing back up from a very low point. It’s a work in progress, but progress is being made.

        Liked by 1 person

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