Trust

I have mentioned before that I have had a bingeing problem most of my life. I will eat things I shouldn’t or say that I didn’t when other people are not around.

It is  not bulimia because I don’t binge and purge…I just binge. It doesn’t matter what kind of food it is, once I get a taste I want more and more. I am very good at it too. If a package is not open, I leave it alone. If there is only a small amount left, it stays where it is. If another person knows exactly how much is there and I can’t fudge it, it is not for the taking.

However, if there is a bag of chocolate coated almonds I will take a few and put the bag back where it was! This goes for chips, chocolate chips, cold meat, cheese slices, cake (a small sliver won’t be noticed), and the list goes on.

The way I have started keeping myself accountable is to bring someone else into the mix. We got a small variety of chocolates for Christmas and I had Hubby hide them from me. I did see where he put them (they weren’t that well hid LOL), and had no desire to go into them because I did not want to break his trust. Yesterday I did go into the bag to take out two pieces of dark chocolate covered ginger as my stomach was upset and candied ginger does help. But I did not get anything else out.

I hadn’t had a chance to tell him; however did instantly when he came into the kitchen with the bag. He was fine with it. Then he noticed that the dark chocolate bar was smaller than he had thought. I looked him straight in the eye and said I did not touch it. And that was the honest truth.

Whether he was just mistaken, or someone did take some, I am quite proud of myself that I didn’t have to lie because I didn’t do anything wrong. I did question him once about believing me and he said that yes he did, but it wouldn’t matter if I did take it.

It matters very much to me. You see, it is far more than just having my Hubby trust me and believe me. For once I was able to trust myself to do the right thing.

Lydia!

7 Replies to “Trust”

      1. I get it Lydia, I totally believe you, however, this is a mystery…who did in fact eat the chocolate…and now my stomach is rumbling…Good for you though for taking accountability for this. I’m not saying this is your disorder, but there is an eating disorder which goes by the acronym EDNOS, which stand for Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. It is acknowledged in the DSMIV (I think IV?) and it basically would categorize the binging as a disorder. I only mention it because sometimes it’s important to know that the behaviour isn’t always because you lack willpower, rather your mind is battling something greater. But that’s just my two cents. Still good for you for resisting the treats!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thanks Sandra. There is another person who maybe could have taken it, but we highly doubt it. My Hubby wasn’t really keeping track and thinks he just misjudged how much was left. He had given me a couple of squares the night before and probably finished the row off himself – we both have lousy memories. LOL

        And yes, I have been told that this is probably a milder form of eating disorder, brought on by the fact that my family would never give me positive feedback on any dieting I did because they didn’t want to draw attention to it (same with quitting smoking but I did that when I found out I had asthma). I am doing better with the food thing, except when I am depressed or in lots of pain or stressed. My doctor didn’t think I needed to see about it because I was dealing with the cause but I know now that I would get help if I need it. Thanks for your two cents, I do appreciate it.

        Like

  1. I understand your problem. But if I do eat or say something I was not meant to I feel really guilty, its like I’ve done something unthinkably bad, but at the same time I dont like telling the person because I’m worried about what they think, and even when I didnt take something like a chocolate from a box and someone blames me for it ill take the blame because even though I knew it wasn’t me I still feel guilty. I eat more if I get stressed or anxious but still I feel stupid and dont tell anyone an there fore eat more.
    I love your blog and I find the advise you give very helpful. I’m very thankful for people like you who help and give advise! Thank you!
    Amethyst Ember x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Amethyst. I appreciate your kind words. I try not to give advice as much as site examples in my own life. Everyone’s situation is different and I am not an expert. However, if someone can take something positive from my experiences we both win! I feel for you with your eating under stress. But just know that you have to love yourself first and foremost and the first step is standing up for yourself when you know you are right 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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