My obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) is probably the one condition I talk about the least. In fact, I am not sure I have mentioned it here before. I was diagnosed with it before my bipolar or my clinical depression.
Most of my obsessions and compulsions came about during and/or because of my upbringing. I have mentioned my binge eating, which I believe is much more about OCD than an eating disorder. I began sneaking food when my parents wouldn’t acknowledge my weight loss when dieting. I would eat diet food in front of them and then gorge on junk food in private. The same feelings are there still today even though no one is judging me.
My friend, Kay, was mentioning the other day that a good way to clean out your closets is to put all the hangers backwards and then turn it forward when you return something after wearing it put it in properly. At the end of a period of time, remove the items that are still hung backwards. Then she thought for a moment and realized why this would be hard for me.
It is not hard for me to give up things. In fact, I culled the closet recently. What is impossible for me is to turn the hangers in the wrong direction… all items in the closet must be put on the hanger in the same direction and all hangers must be placed with the hook pointing to the back of the closet. Plus, shirts with shirts, pants with pants, sweaters with, well you get it. If I see one thing out of place I will fix it and check out the whole closet.
Clutter is another thing that absolutely drives me up the wall! I can’t live in clutter. However, those who know me well, know that I am usually in a constant state of clutter. How could this be? Well, chronic pain and fatigue sometimes win out over me being able to do anything around the house. On top of that, unfaith like pride stops me from asking for help. So, I end up living on a rollercoaster of disorders that drive my stress levels through the roof.
I want to listen to people who say “you aren’t feeling well, just relax and you will get to all of your chores when you are better”. I want to just say to myself that it is okay to live in a bit of clutter. I want to not need to push myself, only to become sorer or sicker and have the place get into worse shape. I want to not care that even writing about all of this is making me super anxious.
Another obsession of mine is that the holidays are over as of January first. For more years than I can remember I have taken the Christmas tree down, put away all the decorations and turned off the outside lights by the new year. Today is the 9th and while it is unplugged, the tree is still up with every single decoration still in place. The star has fallen over, thanks to the cat and dog at play, but it is still on the tree, hanging by its cord.
How did I let this happen? My leg has been inflamed and sore and my cold/flu has returned. All I seem to do is sleep all day and am up half the night coughing or in pain. I want that tree gone in the worst way; however, the totes for the decorations are behind a bunch of boxes in the spare room. I can’t get them by myself and Hubby has been sick or at work. Actually, I could get the totes. If I did, I would be way too tired to work on the tree anyway.
So, once again my obsessions, compulsions and disorders are in total conflict. The rational side of me knows that this will all work – if only that side can take over! 🙂
Am I like most people with OCD? In some ways, no. But then I am not like most people with anything! I wouldn’t have it any other way. LOL
I am Lydia, and it keeps everyone’s life interesting!