February 2nd is the day when little creatures are closely watched to see if they see their shadows. If so, then it will be winter for 6 more weeks!
However, I want to focus more on the movie, “Groundhog Day” with Bill Murray. His character, Phil Connors, is a weatherman who is tired of traveling to Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania to broadcast the event. His namesake, Punxsutawney Phil, predicts is a “rat” in Phil’s mind and Punxsutawney is a hick town.
It turns out that the human Phil has to go through Groundhog day several times until he “gets it right”. Everyone else is oblivious to the repetition and, at first, he uses it to his advantage. However, soon, he realizes he will never get out of this pattern of waking up on the same day unless he turns things around in a positive manner. This is a very brief synopsis and does not pretend to cover the entire movie but is enough to get on with things.
I was wondering, what if this happened to me? What if I had to relive a day over and over until I got it right? What day might that be? How long would it take me to figure out what needed to be fixed and how?
I think the area in my life that I did live over and over was rejection – people were not wanting to get close to me or getting tired of me and walking away. I didn’t relive the same day over and over; however, I relived the pattern and I was getting tired of it. Why were people not interested in me?
At first, it was all them. Then, I realized it had to be me but not in a good way – it was a depressive “woe is me” kind of thing. The negative thoughts were haunting me and even included believing God didn’t love me because I was so terrible.
Actually, that was when I realized how wrong I was. God loves everyone unconditionally. Besides, He created me and He doesn’t make mistakes. I am beautiful in His eyes so there must be something else that was turning people away.
And I finally found the answer I had been searching for so long. I needed to love me before anyone else could. I started looking at myself and things in my life in a new light. I looked at pictures of me at different ages and actually thought I was cute, even pretty.
I told my Dad that when he would get upset at a new challenge in my life and would say I had a black cloud over my head that this was not helping me. That I would prefer encouragement but if he couldn’t, then to not comment. It wasn’t easy, but it worked.
I also looked back at people who had walked in and out of my life and decided which ones were worth contacting and trying to revive the relationship, whatever it was. There turned out to be a long list of discards.
I have become the person I know God wants me to be and that I want me to be as well. My marriage is going well, I have some pretty solid people in my life and I love who I am.
Phil Connors could have had anywhere from 2 weeks to 10 years of Groundhog Days and it probably took me the latter to go through the realizations I have mentioned. I may still wake up to another Groundhog Day because no life is perfect; however, I will figure out what needs to be fixed and get on with life!