My Super Power!

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At my core, this is me. I have always gone for the worst case scenario hook, line, and sinker.

While I have made tons of progress in reaching for the positive, there is still that little voice inside me that often wins out. Sadly ironic is the fact that I used to strive to be Wonder Woman. I would volunteer for everything, and then the anxiety would kick in and I would get nothing done.

I agreed to alter and repair several articles of clothing for a neighbour and friend. She was going to pay me. I did one item the day after she delivered them to me and then it was months later she had to phone and ask for a skirt I was to shorten. She was going to a funeral and needed it in two days. After that, it was another several months and she came over and just asked for them all back. She went to pay me for the work I had done; however, I told her no because I had not done what I agreed to.

This behaviour became a pattern, and I am not proud of it. I think I did it so people would like me and ended up having them get frustrated when I didn’t come through. I got frustrated with myself so that is where the anxiety kicked in. I would be stressed because if I said “no” they may not like me anymore (worst possible conclusion), but if I said yes, then I would feel a heavy responsibility which would also bring high anxiety.

Things are getting better. I have learned that the word “no” isn’t that hard to say. One example is giving up cake decorating. I also recently said no to a leadership course that I wanted to take because my health was not good. If it comes up again, it was meant to be, and if it doesn’t, well, there will be other opportunities.

I also have not to be hard on myself during pain flares. If I push through a flare, I will pay for it later with more pain and less production! All of this can trigger my depression and bipolar which is something I try hard to keep in check.

I should be letting go and letting God handle any situation that brings anxiety. I am getting better at this. I know that He allows me to go through what I do because I am strong, and He wants to use it for His glory. If I become anxious, then I am not letting Him take the wheel!

So, someday I hope to hang up my “Anxiety Girl” cape for good. But then, I wouldn’t be me without a little drama! 😉

Lydia!

About LydiaA1614

I am a woman, wife, Christian, mentor, writer, crafter and dreamer. I have had many health challenges in my 50+ years - both physical and mental. But these just enhance my other qualities and make me the individual I am. My writing encompasses all of the above and more.
This entry was posted in Chronic Pain, Humour, Mental Illness and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to My Super Power!

  1. Oh, me, too! I was just worrying about something with my special needs son when I saw your post and it made me laugh because I was already leaping to the worst case scenario. Thank you for being there at exactly the right moment!

    Like

  2. DaisyWillows says:

    Gosh Lydia you have an Anxiety girl side kick. I hate saying no. I say yes to the point where I make myself ill. In a way it is like a double edged sword. I am happy when I am busy but my illness Bipolar and an eating disorder don’t have a moderate and chill button. love the drama bit. xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • LydiaA1614 says:

      Thanks and I am sorry that you are a partner in crime. It isn’t the best thing to be for sure. I have a bingeing (no purging) disorder brought on by anxiety and low self esteem.

      Like

  3. It’s good you recognise the dangers of overstretching your and taking charge. There’s nothing wrong with saying no. It helps you maintain your sanity.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Bernadette says:

    It sounds like you must be making progress because you recognize the problem and you are writing about it with a sense of humor. Keep the sense of humor and your faith in the forefront and the challenge will get easier and easier. Have a beautiful Sunday.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. There is nothing like putting yourself under pressure to make the anxiety kick in. I do it all the time…I think that people who strove to be ‘Wonder Woman’ or “Superman’ are vulnerable to doing this to themselves.

    Liked by 1 person

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