I have to follow up a post on finding out what love is with one about true love. June 29th marked the 14th anniversary of the day we DIDN’T get married! It was one of the happiest days of our lives together.
Okay, now that I have you totally confused, I will explain. My Hubby was, at the time, a computer programming instructor for Part-Time Studies at the local Technical Institute. This meant that he worked Saturdays, and so we didn’t have a lot of choices to pick a wedding date. We were engaged Easter weekend in 2001 (a whole other story for a whole other time), and we figured that summer was too close, and winter break was too busy, so we went with June 29, 2002. Neither of us wanted to wait so long, but it was just better all round… or so we thought!
Some things happened in the summer of 2001 that stressed both of us to the max and for a split second, we were ready to call off the marriage and the relationship. Thankfully the Lord snuck in a chance meeting with my ex at the local Tim Horton’s where I went to cool off and think. Listening to him droning on about how he had changed and loved me helped me realize what I needed…and it wasn’t him! I went back to the house we were fixing up to live in and had another talk with my fiancé. We realized that it was our love that mattered more than weddings, exes, or anything!
The plan was to cut the wedding way down to close family and friends. We would have to be firm because this group on his side could easily hit 200! And they all loved a celebration! We were even thinking of just inviting people to a BBQ and then surprising them with a wedding in the back yard. The stress of planning this would be way less because people would be willing to help bring food to a BBQ and it was a much more casual venue.
So, on the Friday of that week we went and got a marriage license, without thinking it through very well. Again there was those pesky Saturdays and during the three months we had a choice of the next day or two days in December (not the best BBQ weather even here).
Another discussion ensued over what to do. Hubby just wanted to “be married” and not have any of his family there. I knew my Dad and sister didn’t care about another wedding, and they would be happy with whatever we did. But I did think my future in-laws should be at least told about it.
In the end, I gave in and on Saturday morning (September 1st, 2001) we started calling Marriage Commissioners as our pastor was away. It was a long weekend after all! We decided if we went through the list and no one was available we would plan for December … the first person we called booked us in for 5:30 pm.
We had called my sister and Hubby’s best friend to see if they would be available “just in case.” Both were, and were a little shocked, but they came. My sister doubled as the photographer and my attendant. Afterward, we all had a BBQ dinner and the “wedding cheesecake” my sister brought. (sidenote: I have made countless wedding cakes, however, I didn’t have one at either of my weddings – the first by choice, the second by convenience!)
My family was happy for us. Yes, my sister was part of it, but it wasn’t a huge affair. My Dad didn’t have to come and that suited him fine (he wasn’t driving much at that time). However, when we had Hubby’s family (parents, brother and one sister and her husband) over for dinner the next day, the reception wasn’t so good. They were hurt and shocked.
I know my mother-in-law thought I was to blame for it for the longest time; however, finally after a few years, Hubby told her that he made the decision because he was afraid if they came they would want us to wait until all the immediate family could be there. After 15 years it has been water under the bridge for a long time. I love my in-laws, and I feel the same from them.
Back to our “unanniversary”. So being happily married for nine months, along came June 29, 2002, the day we were supposed to have our big family wedding. Both of us were so relieved we were not going through all of that stress. We hopped in the car, took a long drive into the valley, stopped for dinner and went the long way home to drop in on my Dad. It became our unanniversary for many years to follow. Even one of our friends had that date in his calendar so would always send best wishes!
Living with anxiety, stress, depression, etc., you have to find creative ways to avoid situations that will trigger them. I love how simple and beautiful our wedding day was, and how we were able to turn the original date into something special as well!