I was checking out some music videos tonight and came across the one at the end of this post from last year’s season of “America’s Got Talent”. I remember seeing this young woman sing but had forgotten her story.
Anna suffers from anxiety disorder and depression, as I do. She tells Howie Mandell and the other judges that four months before her audition she was bed ridden. Howie let her know that he suffers from anxiety as well as OCD and can relate to her, which seems to help her. Howie has stated many times that his comedy helps keep his neuroses in check.
I relate to both Anna and Howie in many ways. I started to write when I was really young – short poems and even a one-act play. In the years when my mental disorders were ruling my life, the only writing I was doing was my journals about my doctor’s appointments, symptoms, and my thoughts and feelings, as jumbled as they were.
It wasn’t until a couple of years ago that I was able to get back to creative and technical writing again. That is when my friend suggested I start a blog, and here I am. At first, I was not sure about pouring my heart out on the internet. What if no one read it? Worse yet what if they did and they didn’t like it? I set my goal to get 200 followers by the end of 2015 and ended up with almost 300. I now have almost 900 and almost 12,000 hits since I started. I know that is still low compared to others but I am amazed that the numbers keep increasing daily…even when I can’t always write as often as I would like.
When Anna started to sing and play her guitar, the venue hushed and she showed no signs of her anxiety. Her rendition of Halleluiah was gorgeous. After she was done she started to cry. I think she had actually been crying when she came on the stage, accompanied by Host Nick Cannon. Howie Mandel ran up on to the stage when Anna started to cry, talked to her and gave her a hug. It was very touching. She got high praise from all the judges and four yeses.
Writing has given me a true sense of self and a degree of confidence I have never known before. I sense that music does the same for Anna. Her standing ovation equals my receiving likes and comments on my posts. It makes me realize that I really don’t have a lot to be anxious about and for at least as long as it takes me to write, proof, and post, then read what you lovely people have to say about it, I feel strong.
I firmly believe that God gives those of us who are uneasy with people-contact some form of creativity with which we can relate to others on an equal level instead of feeling anxious and inferior.
I hope you enjoy Anna’s performance as much as I did.