I love Paul Simon’s music. While this particular song has no connection to what I am going to be talking about, the title is a great way to start.
Today is a nice sunny day. It is still a little cold, but I love brisk sunny days. It is supposed to get even colder tonight.
So, why the category of depression? It is ironic that I worked for almost 2 weeks on promoting awareness about mental illness and directly after I go into a medium depression. Or maybe it isn’t.
I have been housebound for most of the winter, I have been fighting chest, sinus, and other infections and have been going through many very harsh pain flares. And even though the work on the awareness was not strenuous but a labor of love, it did take a bit of a toll on me as well.
Reading the stories of women I look up to in the blogging world and posting them, making sure everything was appropriately tweeted, Facebooked, etc., writing my own posts, finishing a product review, and keeping up with what others were tweeting, blogging, Facebooking…
When you are diagnosed with depression you must be totally aware of what a certain activity may affect that condition. In my case, I have to be doubly mindful because if I become too busy I could easily slip into a manic phase just as easily as depression. I have been diagnosed with clinical depression and bipolar (though when I was diagnosed it was still called manic depression). I know that I will always have these illnesses; however, I like to say that I now have control over them and not the other way around. It has taken a lot of hard work to get to this point and there have been a lot of tears shed.
So, back to the sunny day. I had been feeling very low the past couple of days and as I said I attribute it to lack of sleep, finishing my project, fighting illness and being reminded of what mental illness does to a person.
Last night I was able to talk to my husband about something I wanted to purchase. I told him how it would help us and that the money we would save by buying it right then (the sale was over in 6 hours counting down), and all the money we could potentially save in the future. We had a great discussion and he agreed. In the past, I would make a purchase and then have to back paddle to explain myself – a very bipolar trait!
After that, the tension just started to flow out of my body. I still didn’t get to sleep until almost 7 am, but it was mainly pain and not emotion keeping me up.
And then I wake up to a beautiful sunny day. I want to finish this up because I think Violet, Monkey and I might just get our first walk of the year in. At the very least I will get a few trips to the recycle bins!
I wish you all a sunny day, no matter what the weather is like in your area.
Lydia!
PS, I was going to include a video of Paul Simon’s song but I couldn’t find a decent one.
Being Lydia! 
Hey good for you! I’m proud of you for making this jump 🙂
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Thank you! Me too.
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You’re welcome!
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Paul Simon, love his song writing. Wishing us all a better month.
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Yes, here’s to a Happy February!
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I have been diagnosed with clinical depression and can identify with much of your post, though I didn’t know that backpeddling on purchases was part of bipolar! I am constantly doing that, buying things without discussing then panicking about the conversation I have to have or hiding things until I have plucked up the courage to bring it out!
Thanks for your words, very much appreciated reading them.
Xx
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Thank you so much for your reply. Actually spending money in general is a trait of bipolar. One time during a particularly horrific manic high I went to a movie and there were three couples behind me. I bought my ticket and all of their’s as well. The cashier and the couples were all shocked but I insisted, just said “enjoy your shows” and went to buy a bundle of stuff at the concession! While my bipolar has been in check for years, the spending issues continued. I have taken safe guard measures but the urges to spend are always there, just like an addiction!
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I was literally just saying today about how i’ve been ill for so long and although i’m happy now and positive now, if i’m not proactive it’s going to catch up with me and i’m going to go into a depression so i need to be actively doing things i know cheer me up and brighten my mood before it happens because it probably will. Having pneumonia for such a long time and still being ill… i should probably wrap myself in a bubble and never leave it. however, i want to live my life. And i know that depression can hit at any point. You remind me why it’s important to live my life and take the odd risk because mental illness really can just take a huge toll on you. I also suffer with manic depression, so get that side of things. I’m kind of expecting that as i’ve been ‘up’ in my moods so long that i’m due for a down and i’m doing my best to prevent it. You mention how much you aren’t sleeping, i find that to be one of my biggest triggers and one of my biggest ways of getting back on track is by having good sleep. I hope you are feeling better now, and i’m sorry you were ill over winter. I just got out of hospital after a 6 week stint and only got out as the doctors felt bad i’d been in so long. Hope your moods settle back to ‘normal’ as can be and so you can enjoy your days more!
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Thank you so much for visiting my blog and the follow. Also thanks for sharing. It is always good to get feedback from people who can relate because it means I am on the right track. I am in a vicious circle right now between depression and chronic pain which is really hard to get out of. Plus, I am still not able to get over whatever is affecting my lungs. I think I need to get over my pride and go see a doctor! I look forward to checking your blog! 🙂
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Yes, my long term steroid use from my asthma has left me with brittle bones and ihave many stress fractures in my chest and ribs from coughing etc. Plus side affects like muscle atrophy and weakness has also left me with a lot of chronic pain meaning i’m now on a lot of pain meds. I’m trying my best to manage the pain with loads of physio, including chest physio to help with breathing and coughing tips, i’ve managed to reduce my pain level. I have found that being in pain makes such a huge influence in so many ways, it drastically affects your mood, affects your appetite, my rib pain when bad makes my breathing difficult leading to me taking shallow breaths more which often leads to inffections getting worse.. which leads to me coughing more, leading to more pain and it’s all a circle. Since getting really good pain relief and having the physio i’ve managed to slowly start to reduce my pain level and i think my stress fractures are finally healing a little. Good pain management is so key, it’s hard when you have long term chronic pain – my best friend has fibromyalgia, so i really understand how that affects her. But she’s had some really good pain clinics and fibro clinics and learnt some good ways to help with the pain, plus she uses kinetic tape strips over the muscles and areas that are painful. they help increase blood flow to those areas and stuff and you know what i tried it a few times when i was getting my pred muscle pain badly and it does really help. so it means she can take less pain killers. I keep getting lung infections because they find it so hard to treat me, so i think a little bit of infection is always left there and so it comes back so easily. I too was reluctant to admit something was going on, I didn’t want to be in hospital over christmas so i procrastinated ffar too long leading to severe pneumonia in both lungs that had me very very ill. Please see a doctor! get it over with, you may have a really speedy recovery for once! Who knows! maybe luck will be in your favour this time!
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I understand what you mean about pain influencing everything. I can get into cycles where I don’t know if my pain is bringing on depression or if depression is making my pain worse. From my various conditions I have full body pain 24/7/365. Most of the time it is “manageable” but my version of manageable would be someone else’s 10 or more! I am on the lowest amount of pain meds I can get away with and I do the rest through management tools I have learned through pain clinics, research and just my own finding what works and doesn’t. I don’t like telling people how I am feeling because if I say that I am better they think that means my pain is “gone”. Then if I don’t attend something again it is like “well I thought your pain was better, what happened?” As if it is my fault or something. I have learned over the course of 35 or more years with chronic pain how to deal. Like tonight, I am up (it is 2 am here) partly because when I went to bed my cat jumped on my belly full force. I have a protruding hernia that I am seeing about next week and I am tender all across my chest with liver, kidney and stomach problems. I instantly curled up and that sent spasms through my back up to my neck and down to my feet. But breathing exercises, stretches and a cup of herbal tea are settling it down nicely. Well, I had best wrap up here but I do enjoy talking with you. Feel free to use my contact page to email me if you ever want to just talk. I check it constantly.
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Yeah, constant pain isn’t fun. I think chronic anything isn’t fun. I hope you have recovered after your cat jumped on you! Same goes to you if you ever need to contact me 🙂
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Reblogged this on Dream Big, Dream Often and commented:
This is Being Lydia!!
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I love the way you write about you mentsl stage.. I dont know if i have depression or noy but at times i feel like i do..but in my culture having any mental inconsistancy is frown upon..i hope that you r feeling better now! I wish you well!
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Thank you, Andrea, for visiting my blog and for you comment. I feel for you with the stigma you face from your culture. If there is any way you can see someone I would advise it. But if you feel a little down you can deal with it yourself by being with people doing things you love, making sure you get some exercise and enough but not too much sleep. I am only suggesting, I am not a doctor or counselor and only know what works for me. But I will say that my upbringing was not that far different from yours. My parents and older sister were embarassed by my mental illness and even in recenet years when I have changed for the better, my family couldn’t see past the illness. It happens in all cultures. That is why I talk so freely about my physical and mental challenges. To bring it into the forefront.
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