Be Careful Of What You Desire

Daily Prompt – Desire

Dictionary.com defines Desire as:

noun

  1. longing or craving, as for something that brings satisfaction or enjoyment:
    a desire for fame.
  2. an expressed wish; request.

verb (used with object), desired, desiring.

  1. to wish or long for; crave; want.
  2. to express a wish to obtain; ask for; request:The mayor desires your presence at the next meeting.

When it comes to chronic illnesses I think desire is a double edge sword. Of course, we all desire to be better. We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t. However, does this desire fuel our determination or have us wallowing in the unachievable?

I believe I have been at both ends of this spectrum.

From the time I was fifteen, I had problems with my right knee. I fell learning to ski and tore all the cartilage as well as tendons and ligaments. I was told I would have been much better off breaking my leg. I ended up having surgery to remove the damaged cartilage and repair as much as possible. I spent the next several years not knowing that the little fragments of cartilage that the doctor missed were acting like sandpaper, grinding down the knee cap and joint.

I then went on to have a few accidents that damaged other parts of my body. I felt pain, but was dealing with other things and just ignored it. Since by this time I was also suffering from mental illness, that seemed to be the more important focus.

Through all of this, which was probably 30 years, my heart’s desire was to be “normal” and live a “normal life”. Other than taking medications I tried to deny that I had any health issues. But the more I craved to be well, the worse I was getting.

So, I changed gears and started grieving the fact my desires of a perfect life with a husband, children, and a white picket fence as being unattainable.

Now I think I have found the perfect balance. I am admitting that I have health issues (both mental and physical) to myself and others, and I am learning what my boundaries are. At the same time, I am making decisions to push those boundaries just enough to see if I can.

On the second try I got an amazing, loving, and caring husband who accepts me warts and all (and had a few for me to accept too! 😉 . We have no children of our own; however, God has filled our lives with His children and we couldn’t be happier. As for the picket fence (and the house to go with it), we are still working on that one.

One of my desires has always been to write and you just happen to be reading the evidence that it came true! It took a long time, and ironically I started writing around the same time I had to really face that my illnesses were getting worse. Writing has helped me to deal with everything I have had to deal with.

So while it may be hard for those of us with chronic conditions to attain some of our desires, we still need to have them to keep us going in the fight. And in the process, we might find things we weren’t expecting at all!

Lydia!

 

About LydiaA1614

I am a woman, wife, Christian, mentor, writer, crafter and dreamer. I have had many health challenges in my 50+ years - both physical and mental. But these just enhance my other qualities and make me the individual I am. My writing encompasses all of the above and more.
This entry was posted in Chronic Pain, Daily Post, health, Mental Illness and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Be Careful Of What You Desire

  1. rugby843 says:

    Liked this, Lydia.💐

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yeah I’d probably agree with you on this. Like you, I’ve had to give up some unrealistic plans, but have been able to follow other dreams.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Tweeted from @OutsidetheboxUW

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I hope you get well soon…and get rid of anything that’s left of it.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Katrin says:

    I remember when I first started dating my now husband he was always asking me, “Well, what do you want?” and I’d be at a loss for an answer or reply, “Want? When does what I want ever come into the equation?” After living with chronic illness for so long I’d learned to not even bother considering what *I* wanted in anything since so rarely was it ever going to be feasible or within possibility and thinking about what *I* wanted just set me up for frustration. It’s been an interesting exercise over the past few years actually having a life where I can now entertain the possibility of what I want in the equation some of the time and actually have it be possible.

    Liked by 1 person

    • LydiaA1614 says:

      I totally understand what you are saying. I have learned to “balance” my time meaning if I have a morning of appointments I won’t do anything in the afternoon. If I have major plans for a day I rest the day before and the day after. It is more work but at least we get to live a little!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Katrin says:

        Yes! Planning and conservation of energy, but means wants can actually be considered. It’s rather nice. For me it’s still a novelty, having ‘want’ in the equation. LOL.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. bethanyk says:

    Great way of looking at it. I have been recently thinking about how to have dreams, desires, hopes, even with this chronic illness.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hope says:

    How true! Don’t ever think of giving up! Why? Because then you lose. Stay Positive! It’s not easy, so start a little every day. You’ll be surprised some day.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Pingback: Author Interview – Reily Garrett – The Carnal Series, Unholy Alliance, Tiago, Tender Echoes, Journey to Dawn: Step One, Breathe & Digital Velocity | toofulltowrite (I've started so I'll finish)

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