I read today’s prompt word and then found this video in my FaceBook feed moments later. I love how that works.
I have talked about my binging disorder several times before. However, I have always told it from having it living inside of me. This video answers questions that people may have, but are either afraid to ask or don’t think they apply to me.
The first think I want to say is that no matter what I have said before about getting a handle on my bingeing, I am in no way at a point of recovery. I deal with the cravings constantly. And all too often I just give into them knowing I would be strong and fight it and that I SHOULD fight it.
The big point at the beginning of this video is that the eating disorder is a “symptom of something else”. For me, I think food is the family member who doesn’t judge, the friend who just makes me feel better no questions asked and the loved one who accepts me as I am. This is not to say I don’t have real versions of these people in my life who would do anything to help me through this. I have also worked through most if not all the issues that originally caused the disorder in the first place.
So why don’t I just stop binging?
Why does an alcoholic not just stop drinking? Or a drug addict not just stop using? Like the people in this video say, it is a process. The thoughts are always in my head, it is just what I am able to do with them at any given minute.
I think what frightens me about getting over my binge eating most is that I will never get to eat ice cream/potato chips/chocolate/etc. again. So I binge on a whole bunch of it when no one is looking and try to stay away from it when they are. I can even go months being strong and resisting the temptations. Then I will go out and have a tiny brownie or something and boom, all the cravings for more come back.
But I would be doing myself a disservice if I didn’t say that I am getting stronger psychologically when it comes to acknowledging the good and bad aspects of my disorder.
I hope sharing this video will help both those with eating disorders or those with questions understand just a little bit better.