Chronic Illness + Moving = Humility

I know I haven’t written anything in quite awhile. Actually, I have written, just nothing that was ready for posting – thoughts, happenings, and other things I didn’t want to forget.

The last three weeks have been a real lesson in humility. I have had to allow myself to be very vulnerable and transparent on so many levels.

Everything was going very well with packing until I was told on May 3rd that my hernia surgery for May 5th, that had been canceled 2 weeks earlier was back on if I wanted it. Well, on one hand, I didn’t want it considering we were moving 2 weeks later. But on the other hand, the hernia was bothering me and if I didn’t take that spot it could be months again before another one was available. So, I said yes.

There certainly wasn’t time to do a lot of packing in two days so I wrote a note on Facebook asking if any of my local friends could help with packing. Hubby and I were amazed by the show of support by our church friends and one of Hubby’s co-workers. I would sit back and just say what needed doing and it was done. It didn’t all get done but a major dent was certainly made.

This was very difficult for me in so many ways. I guess the most telling was the fact that these people were seeing how dirty/messy my house was. This is not because I am a lazy housekeeper, I just couldn’t keep up with it. But that has always been a hard thing for me. I feel guilty AND I let my pride get in the way. Well, there was not room for either of those feelings. I just had to suck it up and be grateful.

We were not ready when the movers arrived last Saturday morning. And they came one hour early!

They took everything that was packed up but left a lot behind. On Sunday we were so tired that we never left our new place. So Monday, a holiday in Canada, my Hubby’s wonderful family (my family) came to the rescue along with a dear friend who also has a wife who is chronically ill.

We started off in the morning by ourselves, organizing what was to go and what could be thrown out. We also made a pile of items that anyone could claim if they wanted.

Then, after a quick lunch, people started arriving and the serious work began. But this step really showed my failings with paper and stuff all over the floors of the office and 2 bedrooms, including dust bunnies and dirt. I broke down a couple of times because I was embarrassed and my niece and mother-in-law both said not to cry, it was all okay.

And it was.

It is a hard thing to sit back and watch everyone else work when you can’t. It is even harder when you are used to people judging you for your failures. But these people were not judging – they were working too hard getting the job done. And they worked until every last item was emptied from their vehicles into the new place.

My mother-in-law has already started helping unpack here and was planning on coming today. But I have been (and still am) in a huge pain flare throughout my body. Even with all the help, I have done a little too much bending and lifting so my abdomen where I had the surgery is very tender. So I had to make myself take a complete rest day only going out three times to take Violet to the off-leash dog park across the street.

It is late and I can’t sleep because of pain, but had quite a bit of sleep in the last 24 or more hours so I am not surprised I am up. However, I do believe I will be ready to tackle the mountain of boxes over the weekend.

I love this new place. It is the home I have always wanted, even though it was the last type I saw myself living in – a third story condo with no yard and with an elevator. However, the view of the park, quiet streets and great area for Violet make up for it all. Oh, and not having a yard has its perks too. Other people tend to the flowers and lawn that I get to enjoy!

We hired cleaners to get the place ready for the new owner and it cost a fortune. The kitchen was horrendous, especially considering I trained as a chef and catered for awhile. Again, I really need to park my ego at the door.

The Bible says “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom” (Proverbs 11:2). I really do believe this fits my situation and chronic illness in general. We are constantly having to check our pride at the door when we cancel out on plans or let others see our most vulnerable sides.

I think this whole experience has helped me in so many ways. I am realizing I really need to downsize the amount of “stuff” we have, I have to find smart ways to handle cleaning, and I have to not be afraid to ask for help when I need it.

Oh, and the main thing we learned out of this is we are NOT moving for at least another 10 years.

Lydia!