I have always been open about the fact that my chronic illness is a mixture of physical and mental conditions. And very often they go hand in hand.
For instance, with all the stress of selling our old home, buying the new one, getting financing, packing to move and abdominal surgery on top of it all, I became very depressed. At one point between selling and buying, I broke into sobbing tears and asked, no begged, my husband to call it all off. I wanted to stay where we were. I wanted it all to stop.
Of course, this was an impossibility because we had signed papers saying we agreed to sell to the new owner. And really the main reason for moving was to be closer to our family because I felt so isolated where we were. Not to mention the mold and other toxins that were keeping both of us from being healthy.
It was just my fear of change that was causing my depression and anxiety to flare. Of course, this set off a vicious circle with my pain and other conditions. And with all of this plus my surgery coming right in the middle of packing, it was enough to detonate a huge bomb of negative emotions.
- I became positive that we were not going to get everything done in time – and that self-prophesy came true. If it hadn’t been for family and a dear friend coming the day after the movers, we would not have made it.
- I started snapping at people, mostly Hubby, for doing the little things I could do, instead of thanking them/him for doing the things I couldn’t. I tried to explain that it was because I was feeling guilty; however, since I was feeling sorry for myself, it just all came out wrong.
- I started doing things I shouldn’t, like bending, lifting, etc. to get things done. So when I woke up this morning to pain where my hernia was repaired and a bump showing that it was once again open, I only had myself to blame. But Hubby had no “I told you so’s”. He just told me to rest Monday and call the doctor’s office today when they are open.
- I started eating the wrong things which, of course, made my moods even worse.
So, can the vicious circles of negativity be turned into happy circles of positivity? Of course they can!
- I did what I was told to do. I rested and the hardest thing I did was take Violet to the dog park. I just had to get her across the street and into the park, take her leash off and sit on one of the benches under a nice shady tree. I went three times and on the third one was probably there for an hour, talking to people as they came and went with their dogs. Violet would wander a bit and then come back and lay beside me.
- I became appreciative of the help I have been getting. On the weekend Hubby set up a chair in the kitchen and I sat there while he emptied two boxes. I would tell him where it went and he would put it there. I was being useful – it was that or wonder for weeks where things were! LOL!
- I accepted my Mother-in-law’s offer to come over Tuesday to help. We get along very well and while I don’t want her lifting heavy boxes any more than me, I am going to get Hubby to find the ones we need before he goes to work. That way we can just unpack the way he and I did earlier.
- I am also accepting the help of a friend who I haven’t seen in ages but now live much closer to.
- I am realizing that Hubby has health limitations as well and he needs to concentrate on his job. He had a lot of time off from the buying process to moving in so he won’t get any more for awhile. So I am going to try and get as much unpacking and arranging done without him (and without messing up my health again) as I can. If that means asking for more help, I will.
- Quite simply, I sat on the balcony in the early evening and watched Hubby and Violet in the park. I breathed in the fresh air, looked at the view and realized that we have a wonderful place to live our lives in. What is more positive than that.
- And of course, I thanked my God for all the gifts he has provided.
Chronic illness, whether mental, physical or a combination, may restrict your life; however, there are ways to make it work for you. Like the post by Sam that I reblogged the other day on cherishing the home you are basically confined to, you can make the best of a limited life just by finding the positives. They may be hard to see, but they can be found.
I thought I would add the Billy Preston song I used in my title just because it is upbeat and happy. I hope you enjoy it.