Chronic Illness – “Will It Go Round In Circles?”

bomb

Daily Prompt – Detonate

I have always been open about the fact that my chronic illness is a mixture of physical and mental conditions. And very often they go hand in hand.

For instance, with all the stress of selling our old home, buying the new one, getting financing, packing to move and abdominal surgery on top of it all, I became very depressed. At one point between selling and buying, I broke into sobbing tears and asked, no begged, my husband to call it all off. I wanted to stay where we were. I wanted it all to stop.

Of course, this was an impossibility because we had signed papers saying we agreed to sell to the new owner. And really the main reason for moving was to be closer to our family because I felt so isolated where we were. Not to mention the mold and other toxins that were keeping both of us from being healthy.

It was just my fear of change that was causing my depression and anxiety to flare. Of course, this set off a vicious circle with my pain and other conditions. And with all of this plus my surgery coming right in the middle of packing, it was enough to detonate a huge bomb of negative emotions.

  1. I became positive that we were not going to get everything done in time – and that self-prophesy came true. If it hadn’t been for family and a dear friend coming the day after the movers, we would not have made it.
  2. I started snapping at people, mostly Hubby, for doing the little things I could do, instead of thanking them/him for doing the things I couldn’t. I tried to explain that it was because I was feeling guilty; however, since I was feeling sorry for myself, it just all came out wrong.
  3. I started doing things I shouldn’t, like bending, lifting, etc. to get things done. So when I woke up this morning to pain where my hernia was repaired and a bump showing that it was once again open, I only had myself to blame. But Hubby had no “I told you so’s”. He just told me to rest Monday and call the doctor’s office today when they are open.
  4. I started eating the wrong things which, of course, made my moods even worse.

So, can the vicious circles of negativity be turned into happy circles of positivity? Of course they can!

  1. I did what I was told to do. I rested and the hardest thing I did was take Violet to the dog park. I just had to get her across the street and into the park, take her leash off and sit on one of the benches under a nice shady tree. I went three times and on the third one was probably there for an hour, talking to people as they came and went with their dogs. Violet would wander a bit and then come back and lay beside me.
  2. I became appreciative of the help I have been getting. On the weekend Hubby set up a chair in the kitchen and I sat there while he emptied two boxes. I would tell him where it went and he would put it there. I was being useful – it was that or wonder for weeks where things were! LOL!
  3. I accepted my Mother-in-law’s offer to come over Tuesday to help. We get along very well and while I don’t want her lifting heavy boxes any more than me, I am going to get Hubby to find the ones we need before he goes to work. That way we can just unpack the way he and I did earlier.
  4. I am also accepting the help of a friend who I haven’t seen in ages but now live much closer to.
  5. I am realizing that Hubby has health limitations as well and he needs to concentrate on his job. He had a lot of time off from the buying process to moving in so he won’t get any more for awhile. So I am going to try and get as much unpacking and arranging done without him (and without messing up my health again) as I can. If that means asking for more help, I will.
  6. Quite simply, I sat on the balcony in the early evening and watched Hubby and Violet in the park. I breathed in the fresh air, looked at the view and realized that we have a wonderful place to live our lives in. What is more positive than that.
  7. And of course, I thanked my God for all the gifts he has provided.

Chronic illness, whether mental, physical or a combination, may restrict your life; however, there are ways to make it work for you. Like the post by Sam that I reblogged the other day on cherishing the home you are basically confined to, you can make the best of a limited life just by finding the positives. They may be hard to see, but they can be found.

I thought I would add the Billy Preston song I used in my title just because it is upbeat and happy. I hope you enjoy it.

Lydia!

 

12 Replies to “Chronic Illness – “Will It Go Round In Circles?””

  1. Thank you for this post!

    Oh,my goodness; you sound so much like me! I too have both physical and mental health issues that are often exacerbated by stress (particularly sleep deprivation). During our move three years ago, my son accidentally backed over me with his car. God is so good! I had no broken bones and my only “internal injuries” were deep tissue bruising. That bruising made normal activity challenging for about six months. Last summer, I had surgery to repair my Achilles tendon, which again, kept me from “normal” activity for about six months. Tomorrow, I will be having hernia surgery, and you know what that means. Oh, did I mention I have Bi Polar? Depression has often been an unwelcome house guest, and in my frustration, I have sometimes become, as my husband says, “a little testy”.

    What I have learned in the last few years mirrors much of what you said in your post. Do what you’re told and let people help you. That’s hard for me. Focus on what you can do, not what you can’t. The best thing though is to literally be thankful in all circumstances. (1 Thess 5:18; Eph 5:20) No, it isn’t easy, and sometimes it feels crazy, but it really does change your attitude.

    Btw, love the Billy Preston video! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much for your comment. I have Bipolar, Depression, OCD, Anxiety, Panic Attacks in my mental repertoire. I will be sending prayers for your hernia surgery tomorrow for sure. Glad you enjoyed the video! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Love this! My mental and physical health are also very connected to each other. When one thing is bad, it makes the other things bad. I, too, am trying to find the positives each day! It’s always a work in progress.

    Liked by 1 person

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