It is often difficult to find reasons to cheer when dealing with any kind of chronic illness; however, that in itself is why you should! Dealing every day with something that does its best to try and hold you back is a huge triumph.
I have been drawn to Alessia Cara’s “Scars To Your Beautiful” because to me it speaks to the heart and soul of chronic illness – both physical and mental. People see you and don’t think you look sick, or they just don’t understand what is going on with you. The things they say may be meant in love; however, they can hurt, and leave scars.
As a Chronic Illness Blogger, I come in contact with so many people with challenges of their own. The comments I get and the blogs I read boost me up when I see how others are coping with far greater pain that I have.
The last few months have taken a huge toll on me – my physical health, mental well-being, and this blog have all suffered thanks to a chain of events that would be hard on anyone. I have tried to write several posts but they never get anywhere. I try to read other people’s posts but my attention span is low to nil. I feel like I have neglected a dear friend by not taking care of my blog.
Then something happened yesterday. Or should I say someONE happened, namely Danny Ray of Dream Big, Dream Often. Danny and I have been in a partnership for over a year now, though it is at the moment mostly one-sided in favour of Danny. He promotes blogs by featuring their logos on his site and reblogging posts. If you are not a partner, check it out. It is really worth it.
Anyway, I have not had much new content lately; however, that hasn’t stopped Danny. He has been reblogging previous posts. Yesterday he chose one from over two years ago called “I Choose Beautiful.” The post is based on an experiment by Dove products to show women we can choose to be beautiful by going through a door that says “average” or one that says “beautiful”. It is done in different countries with the doors marked in the appropriate language.
How and Why Danny chose that post, I don’t know. However, it was definitely the right one for me, if no one else. I read it again and couldn’t believe I wrote it. It seemed like a lifetime ago! Watching the video and reading the post brought back feelings I haven’t had for a long time.
I have been too tired, sore and depressed to choose anything, especially beautiful. But that is not triumphant thinking. That is letting the chronic illness win. I am showing my scars and not choosing beautiful.
Yes, maybe it takes a lot of energy to go across the street to the dog park with Violet. But when there I am able to talk to people, bond with other dogs, walk around or just sit in the shade. Do that a couple of times a day and both Violet and I are losing some much needed weight. Going to my in-laws for lunch today was draining, but they were happy to see us and we enjoyed ourselves. And I can go have a nap any time.
It may hurt more to do things now, but I do them in hopes that I can triumph over pain some day soon.