Finding My Limits

My Life Coach taught me to pick a word at the beginning of a new year to set the tone for what I hope to achieve. I started to write about getting back to 2016’s word; however, I have learned so much about this year’s word that I wanted to write about it first.

At the beginning of 2017, I chose “Limitless” as my word for the year. Almost from the beginning I started really feeling the limits that make up my life. Health started to go downhill, we got into the whole process of relocating to a new city (even though it is only 1/2 hour away from where we were), and I learned so much about myself. Some of this new knowledge I am happy about and some I still need to work on.

What happened yesterday is what prompted me to write this post. I have never been shy about laying it all out here in my blog and this is one of those times. In being vulnerable I always hope to 1) help others learn about themselves and 2) correct behavior in myself.

This move has been one of the most difficult and rewarding times in our lives. Both Hubby and I have noticed that our health is getting better which was one of the main reasons we knew we needed to get out of our old place. We both have more strength and energy.

But here is where one of my limits comes in. As you know, I had hernia repair surgery two weeks before the move on May 5th. During the months of April and May, we were showing our house, dealing with offers and then, once it sold, directing our attention to finding a new place. We also needed to pack up and arrange the move.

In hindsight, I think I should have postponed the surgery. There was just too much going on. But it had been canceled twice and 2 days before the second booking I was asked if I still wanted to take it back. We were at the lawyers at the time the call came, signing papers on the new house. Things were crazy and I knew I needed to get it done so I said yes.

I had lots of help packing and Hubby hired movers and cleaners to take the load off me. However, I am not a person who is kept down easily (bipolar, anxiety and OCD can do it for you for sure). I did a little too much and am now in a lot of pain from my surgery site 7 weeks past. I see the doctor this week and I am quite sure that he is not going to be pleased. I must admit I am a little scared to find out what is happening. But I am giving it up to the Lord. It may be nothing serious and all my worrying would be both unproductive and limiting.

Two huge limits I have seen in me lately are guilt and shame. I thought I had banished them; however, they came to a head yesterday in a totally new way.

We are moving the spare fridge out of the kitchen to make way for a pantry that we need to put together to take a lot of the items I can’t fit into the kitchen cupboards. The fridge was filthy inside and Hubby had to do most of the cleaning because I can’t bend or squat. Everything that has come from the old place has needed mega cleaning and it just showed me how limited I am.

We had to go back to our old neighborhood yesterday to take Violet to the vet, and on the drive, I told Hubby that I am so ashamed – I am a failure as a housewife and therefore a failure as a wife. He has health issues as well and works so hard to provide for us. Then there is me who can’t do things like keeping the house clean, remember that there is some raw chicken in the fridge (as well as produce and leftovers) that needs to be used by such and such a day, or stay within my budgets.

Do you know what he said to me?

I was expecting (and I think wanting) a lecture. What I got instead was grace and mercy. He told me that he can see I am doing my best to make sure this new place is kept in better shape. He told me that my health is not an excuse but a real factor in what I can and can’t do.

I have been stumbling a lot and believed it to be my right leg giving out. Yesterday I was getting out of bed and my left leg totally gave out and I fell on it. Once down I can not get up by myself so I called out to Hubby who was in the kitchen. He helped me back on the bed and I got up slowly. Later in the day, I was sitting on the bed talking to him and when I got up I was dizzy. He told me that maybe my falls and near-falls are not caused by my legs but by my vertigo and I need to get up in stages, giving my body a chance to adjust.

My life verse is Phil 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength”. I originally believed this meant I could do anything I put my mind to. No, it doesn’t mean that at all. It means that I can get through the life the Lord has set out for me by leaning on Him. This can sometimes mean NOT doing things.

The point I am trying to get at here is that many of the things I believe are limits in my life are actually learning tools and that sometimes “Limitless” means living within certain limitations.

So, I won’t be pushing myself to the limit to run life’s marathon anytime soon.

Lydia!

PS, I almost forgot today’s song! A rather fitting tune by the Eagles.