It is June 20th so a good time for me to post my answers to the June Link-Up presented by Sheryl from A Chronic Voice. Click on that link to see what it is all about and how you too can join in. You might see a common pattern or two weaving through my answers this month. Well, let’s get started!
Sometimes I feel like I am in a real-life version of the movie “Groundhog Day.” In the movie, Bill Murray relives February 2nd (the day that marks the beginning of spring or six more weeks of winter, depending on whether or not the groundhog sees his shadow) over and over until he changes his attitude and behaviour.
For me, the repetition is just getting to a point where I am feeling better, stronger, or like I can take on more, and then something new happens. This latest time it was breaking my foot. I had just started walking a couple of times a day with Miley and really feeling better for it. Now I am back in the park sitting in my walker. I throw the ball for her a few times but get tired or sore and have to let my young helper (our neighbour’s son and Miley’s new best friend) take over.
I have been wondering lately what it would be like if I could wake up one morning and find out that all the health challenges I have been dealing with for most of my life were just a dream – or more like a really bad nightmare.
It is funny though because each time I think about it all going away or never being there in the first place I realize that I wouldn’t be the person I am today. Without the challenges I have faced I wouldn’t be as strong as I am. I wouldn’t have the knowledge from personal experience that I use every day to help people going through similar circumstances. I wouldn’t be prepared when waves of disappointment, hurt and depression pass over me. And, I would probably not be writing this blog.
It is funny, the sample text for this prompt included “maybe just having trouble twisting those goddamn medicine bottles open.” That is an understatement! My hands can’t open anything these days – medicine bottles, jars, water bottles, any number of things.
In a totally different take on the word, I have decided I have to turn a blind eye on those who can’t or don’t want to understand me and my health challenges. Recently in a slightly heated discussion, I received the line “so your pain is a 12. It is always a 12, get used to it.” I wanted to say “well actually it isn’t always a 12, sometimes it is a 16 and unfortunately I am very used to it!”
I haven’t been able to wear socks of any kind for quite a while because they make my feet swell and sweat in the worst way. However, with the air cast on my foot, I need to wear one and have found the non-skid ones at the hospital (in a size XXXL) work well. They actually gave me an extra pair besides the ones on my feet when I left. However, I have a hard time getting the sock on, smooth, and pulled up all the way. So, I have to get Hubby to help out. I am getting more and more frustrated as I find less and less I can do for myself. But I am trying to keep as light-hearted and positive as I can.
What I desire right now is very different than my long-time desires. Here in the present, I want a miracle to heal my foot as soon as possible so I can fulfill my plans for the summer. As I said above, I just started long walks with Miley and I have friends I want to meet for tea and catch up with as well. I also desire to do more housework so I don’t live in a pig sty.
Into the future, I desire to I want to launch my advocacy site and find a way to really make a difference for others facing the stigma I have endured over a lifetime. I feel I have gone through all of these challenges to be a light to others and I can’t think of any better honour!