The Persian Rug Flaw

I have been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember.  With rock-bottom self-esteem issues and people in my life being hypercritical, this can be a volatile combination...and it was for most of my life. I would do and redo things trying to make them just perfect, but never feeling they, or I, measured …

Robin Williams and Me: The Killer Among Us.

I am reblogging this post now, because it, and all the comments it received, mirror my feelings on the subject. I was very shaken by Robin William’s death and didn’t understand why until I discussed it with a friend. Then to find out that a good cross-section of the mental-health community felt the same is both comforting and disconcerting. I felt this way when I heard the news of Rick Rypien, a talented hockey player and Anthony Sedlak, a very promising young chef had both taken their own lives. It’s the same feeling when someone I know feels suicide is the only answer. It is so close to home that it shakes your very core. I have to admit I often struggle with “why did I make it and not them”.

Psych Circus

Robin Williams  Person    Giant BombWhy Robin Williams?

I’m not a fan of celebrity worship, nor do I feel especially comfortable perhaps taking advantage of human suffering and loss by writing about a total stranger’s suicide.  That said, Robin’s suicide disturbs me. It touches a sore nerve, it hurts. He seemed a safe, reliable positive out there in the world, a source of joy and humor and, well, life. He was fine as far as I knew, just fine, then BAM!: dead. It’s shocking, saddening, makes the world seem less safe, less reliable.

Why me?

Clearly there is no “Robin Williams and me”, no relationship beyond talented performer and fan. I use the phrase in another sense. Why does his death hit me harder than most? What does it mean?

Events’ meaning partially come from our reactions to them, our responses. Like so many, I have thought over Robin’s many fine performances, the incredible eruption…

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Bipolar and Me!

I remember the day I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder like it was yesterday.  In fact it was 1990 and on my fourth psychiatrist.  I had been previously diagnosed with clinical depression and while I was indeed depressed, the medications were not working well. I had been seeing this particular doctor for a few months …