This is my second attempt at participating in “A Chronic Voice’s” Link-up Party. This month’s prompts are:
This one can be a touchy subject for me. My memory and thought processes are fading and slowing down. I will walk into a room and wonder why I’m there – sometimes it will come to me and other times I will realize I am in the wrong room. I forget names (which I never did for most of my life) or even sometimes that I ever met the person before.
I know that this is just a part of getting old, but for me, it goes deeper. My Dad was delusional in his last few years. My Hubby and sister didn’t see it as much but I was around him all the time. He would tell stories from his past down to the most finite detail (over and over) but wouldn’t remember a football player who last week was one of his favorites. I couldn’t talk to him about it and if I went to his doctor behind his back it would have ruined any relationship that we still had left. I loved my Dad and really hated seeing him this way. But it also instilled a fear in me that I was getting the same way.
I know in my heart that it is a combination of my brain doing overtime with pain management and fibrofog which is a real thing. However, I would love to have my “remembery” back. That’s what a friend’s son used to call memory and I loved it!
Dealing with chronic illness is really a full-time job. You can find yourself so consumed by your own circumstances that it is hard to empathize with others or even see their struggles. Even though my pain and depression have been increasing lately I have felt better able to be there for others than probably at any time in my life.
My Hubby is going through some changes in his work thanks to a new management coming in, which is slowly happening over the next few months. Because of this, he had to fight to get a week off to just relax and when he did finally get this week off, he was scheduled for training for the new company for the past two days. We have a lot we want to accomplish but I am letting him sleep because I know he needs it. He has cared for me so much over the years and I am very happy to be able to do something for him. Even as small as allowing him a nap.
Tonight I have a meeting as part of the organizing committee for a 60th Birthday Party for everyone I went to high school with who is turning that milestone age this year. It is going to be on June 1 – 2 with a pub night on Friday and a picnic on Saturday. I am baking a cake (more under the next heading) and designing it extra special. I am learning that these people, most of whom I haven’t seen in 40 years, were and are my true friends. I left for grade 12 and there were only one or two people I reconnected with when I came back. So having a big party to celebrate all of us is awesome.
I have all of a sudden got myself a few cake projects on the go. As well as the 60th birthday cake. I am having great fun with this design and am excited to get working on the decorations. I don’t want to describe it in any detail because some of the participants have been known to read my blog and I don’t want to ruin the surprise.
I am also holding a shower for a couple from the dog park who are expecting twins. I have picked a very appropriate theme for the cake (again, not going to divulge anything). On top of that, to give myself some practice with molding, sculpting and letting my creativity go wild, I am taking part in a couple of cake collaborations based on specific themes. The first (due in September) is Marvel characters and the second one, due in 2019, is on villains.
I promise to follow up with pictures when I finish each project.
All my life I have had a very tough time believing in myself. I didn’t feel I was pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, or anything enough for this world. This was backed up by the bullying and teasing I received. It was also confirmed by the fact that my family was more inclined to point out my faults instead of my successes. But I have totally come to terms with this one to the point of forgiving (in prayer as my parents are not with us anymore and my sister and I don’t speak) them as well as myself for letting it go on. My illnesses had a lot to do with it as well. How can you believe in yourself when you are told you have mental illness or physical illness that doesn’t show but affects you greatly.
This last couple of weeks I have had so many people (that I don’t personally know) ask me to read their books and critique them on my blog. I also have a job editing a book on a man’s journey dealing with a brain injury. Others want interviews for their blogs and still others just write me to say I have helped them with the stories of my own experiences. Through my faith, I am finding it much easier to believe in myself because I know that all my challenges are giving me the ability to fulfill my childhood dream of becoming a writer. Oh yes, I will be working on my own book real soon!
Well, that’s all for this month. I can’t wait to see what June’s prompts will be.