I have tried to start close to a dozen posts over the last week or so and they don’t get very far.
It isn’t that I have writer’s block as the ideas are readily there. It is more that my brain just can’t put them into any semblance of order. The reason is, and I really hate to admit this, I am in a deep and dark depression.
There are events that have added to this (the 24th and 5th anniversaries of my Mother and Father’s passing, respectively), but I believe the real source is that I have just been dealing with too much pain for way too long.
While I have had small bouts of depression, and even hypomania (a lesser form of mania), I thought I was immune to it. I thought I had my emotions under control and was stronger than any mood swing that could ever come my way. Well, I guess I am human after all.
I need to use what energy and strength I have to fight the pain and the depression. So, I am going to take whatever time I need to do this. I may write a post or reblog something that I feel is worthy; however, I won’t do it unless it totally feels right.
One of the main reasons that I pour my heart out in this blog is in the hopes that it will help someone else. And I can’t help anyone if I don’t first help myself.
I hope you all will be around when I come back.
Lydia!
Lydia, I applaud your decision for not putting additional pressure on yourself with blogging “no matter what”. I’m sure it wasn’t a light decision but I’m sure it’ll help you a lot. Journaling helped me a lot when I was in that dark pit but it really was just for me and no-one else to see. We’ll be here when you come back so just take your time 💚
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Thanks, Miss Andi! I really do appreciate that. Yes, I do journal totally separate from my blog. Sometimes some of it gets in the blog, but a lot doesn’t 😉
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We will always be here. Waiting for you. We love you.
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Thank you, Cindy. I am feeling loved and that isn’t an easy thing when I am depressed. I love you all too which is why I had to share what is going on with me.
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Take care of yourself, Lydia. 💜
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Thanks, Felcia, I will.
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I’m sorry to hear this Lydia. You always sound so upbeat and you’re always still so caring and mindful towards others, even while depressed…I had no idea! I know what it’s like down in that hole, so feel free to ping me on messenger whenever you need a listening ear. Sending hugs and good thoughts xxx
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Thanks, Cheryl. I love our chats and believe me, they do help. I just wasn’t ready to even admit it to myself before now.
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I have no plans for leaving
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Thanks, Derrick. I hope to visit your neck of the woods real soon. Your adventures and garden always bring a smile to my face.
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🙂
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Take care of yourself! We’ll be here when you get back
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Thank you so much. It is comforting to know I have so many friends here.
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I always enjoy reading what you have to say. Praying you find light soon. Bravo, for taking care of yourself. I’ll be here.
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Thanks, Kathy, the prayers are definitely needed and your friendship means a lot.
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Bless you Lydia. The well of depression I know well. My positive thoughts are with you. While you are there look up at the sky, watch the clouds, know that you are alive and loved and start climbing back up again. Much love.
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Thank you, Anita, your kind and encouraging words mean so much.
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I hope you can look back at the wonderful goals you set at the beginning of the year, and that they can give you some hope to work for. Good luck
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Thank you, that is a really good place to start.
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Lydia, bravo to you for realizing what’s going on and doing what you need to do to deal with it. I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling and will be praying for you. Take care of yourself and remember that you’re never alone.
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Thank you, Terri. I appreciate the prayers and I am learning just how not alone I am!
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I am so sorry to hear this. Please take your sweet time. Will whisper a prayer for you. Gentle hugs.
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Thank you, Mary
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I’m so sorry you’re depressed & I totally understand. Prayers you get back on your feet soon, but take all the time you need.
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Thank you very much.
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Reblogged this on Dream Big, Dream Often.
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Thank you!
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You are welcome!
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Take care of yourself, Lydia. I wish you only the best.
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Thank you Patrick. Each day is getting just a little bit brighter.
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